Chaos Follows One Man

01 May 2011

Cucumber Madness!

I know what you were thinking when you saw the title of this post, you dirty dirty deviant, but alas, you were wrong. Of course my assumption of what you were thinking probably speaks more to my character than yours, but lets just roll with it regardless.

Anyhoo, to the topic at hand. The Royal Wedding. Now, let me preface this post by saying that I couldn't give two hoots about the wedding, and care even less now its all over. However, even my general distaste for the whole event couldn't have stretched as far as some conspiracy theorists' conclusions.

There's enough bad feeling about the logistics and spending involved with the wedding to stun a team of oxen in their tracks, but the best (and by far, the brightest) is a theory that it was all done to raise the profile and selling power of....wait for it.....cucumbers!!

Apparently, in preparation for the wedding day celebrations, the British public (or at least the "Monarchists" amongst us) rushed out to purchase bucket loads of those undeniably enjoyable green phallic vegies knowing full well that cucumber sandwiches are the snack of choice for the refined and wealthy.

The fact that sales of the 'umbers rose considerably in the lead up to the wedding is substantiated somewhat by a report from Waitrose showing a 50% increase in the number of 'umbers sold during the wedding period.

Even in the face of that, you have to ask yourself: What kind of pill popping, toilet-water-drinking loony takes that snippet of information and comes up with a conspiracy based on the assumed allegiance of the Royal Family to the agricultural industry, or just the 'umbers in general?!

I mean, if that's such a believable theory, then why not assume the wedding was all about the bread sales in an effort to assist the waning farming industry as well as retail.

Either way it seems to be out there. Whether it's popularity is growing or not, I have no idea. I simply marvel in the maniacs out there and rejoice in my opportunity to witness such overwhelming idiocy, if for no other reason than it gives me something to say.

06 January 2011

[+/-]

Religious Shennanigans

Well, I'll bring my blog to life once more with an act that most who know me will fully expect: a rant.

Having discovered Stumble some time ago, I was floundering through the world of the interwebs when I came across a site showing some beautiful pictures from space.

Whilst interesting to me, this in itself wouldn't be worthy of bloggage. However, the comments attached to the page do allow me to elevate this humble page to bloggage status.

As I started reading, and had I the presence of mind to film my reaction, you would see my expressions gradually (but dramatically) change from that of boyhood awe to that of impatience, frustration and finally outright irritation.

How is that, on the same canvas as these wonderful images; in the presence of something awe inspiring and tending to illicit the philosophical, that the comments could degree into such mind numbing idiocy.

Were the readers "wow-ed" by the incredible images of our Earth from a perspective we could only dream of experiencing? Were they dumbfounded by the beauty, grace and power of this Earth?

Well...no.

Somehow they managed to devolve into a debate (though not a particularly articulate one) on religion, creation and all things God.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can see the inevitable connection between the beauty and magnificence represented by these pictures, and His Holiness, but a religious debate? Really? Honestly people, surely you are now just spoiling for a fight anywhere you can get it.

Does a website so lovingly created to share wonder really need you bunch of numpties bringing it down in some kind of semi-orgasmic, deity inspired, brain fart. Couldn't you just appreciate the dignity and outright aesthetic value of the pictures showcased without having to demand that others acknowledge that this is a sight clearly created by God?

Apparently not.

It's probably worth me noting at this stage that I am, in fact, a religious person. I follow a path of worship, recognise the existence of a devine being(s) and fully respect others' rights to (though it should also be noted, for the record that I am not Christian). However, what I don't do, is take every opportunity to ram my own religion down other people's throats at every turn. What I don't do is find any excuse to connect something of beauty/value/morality/kindness or indeed any of the other examples popping into your head right now, with the existence of a God, the practice of my particular religion or the need to save ones soul.

I, a religious follower, am capable of appreciating beauty without referencing my faith, or more importantly, ramming my beliefs down someone's throat in a failing attempt to brow-beat them into accepting my point of view as fact.

Sadly, thats exactly what happened on this particular site, and it saddened me greatly. I was hugely appreciative of the effort taken to share these pictures with us, the denizens of the interwebz, but was ultimately turned off by the raging theological discussion that burst into life following them.

What a sad state of affairs. Sometimes, I understand why people are afraid to admit they have faith - none of us sane practitioners want to be labelled as one of "them".