A Day in the Face of a Gamer

So,

Last night naturally decended into Counterstrike madness with Gurn and bedjoingle (yeah, I don't know either) mad hatter timberwolf (a.k.a Jesse). After our first stint on a new server, Gurn and I had agreed to revisit, not only because it was fun, but because I wanted (see: needed) to experience an element of the server that had been whipped out of my vicious paw previously.

What am I talking about? I have no idea. No really, I don't. Ahem.

Well, for those of you who are, frankly, stupid enough not to have played the wonder that is CS, a number of servers use custom sounds during the gameplay which add to the....customness of the experience.

Why do you care? Well wait and I'll tell you why you care!

My CS config script stops these sounds from being downloaded so as to prevent the excrutiatingly long wait they cause when you log into a server for the first time. While I get logged into the game and frag myself a few witless wonders, poor Gurn can be sitting there waiting on "bigsaggytittiessoundfile.wav" to download.

Not for me!

However, throughout our previous trip to this server, I had been graced with the sound of Gurn spilling urine over his office chair via our skype connection. The cause? The huge number of custom sounds installed on the server.

Not this time bitch! I won't miss out - says BMan. So I altered the old script and prepared to play.

Now, most people dont understand the preparation that goes into one of Gurn and I's gaming sessions. This is not gaming - its ritual.

So, I prepared myself with my handy checklist:

Cream Soda?



CHECK!

Munchies?



CHECK!

Gaming Headgear?



CHECK!

I was ready to go. The conference call over Skype was sorted and on we went.

Sweet mummydaddy! Aside from the vomit-like stream of brain farts coming from myself, G and J, the sounds on this server were hilarious, not to mention most were incomprehendable (well to G and I) given they were in German!

I was laughing so hard initially, I completely forgot to take screenshots. I remedied that soon after!

We ended up playing on a map called "Westwood" which none of us had played before. This whore of a shanty town, come western village, come...well you get the idea, was filled with nooks and crannies (no one mention grannies!) to get lost, stuck and shot in.

Worse than that, there were two members of the clan who owned the server on, and they were taking full advantage of our stupidity.

As a result, we were struggling to hold the wee bastards at bay:



And so, Jesse and I went to avenge The Gurn's dead and Jesse whipped out the sniper and poked it in various directions:



I proceeded to throw my self helplessly in the line of fire with a number of sniper rifles, only to have Gurn and Jesse dive in front of me, toting Max Payne style Dual Barettas and inducing the "Bullet Time" facility on the server.

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

After getting over the frustration of having the witless wonders dive about in front of me killing everything, I began to appreciate the effort, and instead spent more time watching than playing :)



Eventually, westwood came to an end and we ended up playing cs_italy. It was here, we all came into our own, including BMan truly.

I got so caught up in playing I forgot to take screenshots again, but suffice it to say, I was on fire and in good fettle.



The threesome began to gel, and we all took up our positions to infuriate the enemy, with Gurn and I both managing to shred a few, and big J graduating from n00b to formidible!





There were some moments we got carried away, and with power, kills and cocaine (wait, scratch that last one) going to the head, mistakes were made.

I managed to shoot Gurn in the back of the head with an AK47:



Despite the mistakes, we finished up, having humiliated the clan boys, and rating up top on the table of coolness and big dickedness, or something.



HOWEVER. Disaster struck! One of the guys on the server, who had previously, not been playing all that well, suddenly became what, in the gaming world, we refer to as "uber". (Yes, I'm in touch with the gaming world ya know!).

Going from finishing Italy on 14 kills to 21 deaths, he suddenly started wracking up a foolish score, headshotting all who moved, and winning every round.

More of this ensued:



As the shouts of "hacker", "cheater" and "scripts!" began to echo throughout the level "Office", he began to protest, which made us all the more disbelieving:



And then sad:



And inevitably, angry and convinced we were being cheated:



Naturally, our annoyance decended into sarcasm, and an continuous enslaught of para machine gun strafing which just annoyed everyone else on the server too :)

We drew our play to a close, on noticing that it was after midnight, and immediately following our traded insults, logged off.

Ah, just like the old days :D

B