Ok, there is definitely a problem.....

This week has been...how should I put it...hell.

As at least one person has commented, my latests posts have not sounded very happy. It's because I am not. Revelations about the apparent lack of success in my life aside, there are other things bothering me, which are, put bluntly, fucking with my Chi.

Everyday I go through a number of steps to ensure I am a calm, controlled and focussed person. This routine is responsible for my change in character, my ability to control my emotions about those things going on around me, and my resolve towards my loved ones.

Now, here comes the problem. I can't do it now. Confused? Yeah, I thought so - let me explain.

Somehow, this past week has been more emotionally straining than any recently. And somehow, that stress is messing with my ability to focus. I can't meditate. I can't bubble*, I can't focus and my dreams are worse than they have ever been before.

It's making me nuts. I feel like a raging neurotic, incapable of maintaining any kind of mood, and incapable of making rational decisions.

I think, as far as others noticing, its only appeared as mild so far, however internally, it's ripping me apart. I am only just capable of holding things together, and whilst I am not dependent on this daily ritual, it's absence presses me more and more every day.

I think I am going to go mad.

B

*Bubble: A method "sensitive" people use to block out stray and powerful emotions they pick up from others (yeah yeah I know, some of you won't believe in it).