The One Armed Man

Every now and then, the oddest, and most serious of days leaps upon you in fashions you never even expected.

Today was one such day and opened my eyes to many things.

As some of you will know, my sister Heather was departing on her sojourn across the world today, to return in no less than 2 years, if ever. I knew it was coming, and I was delighted for her given this was something she'd intimated she had wanted to do for a very long time.

Even given that time to prepare, even given my happiness and pride at her taking on the challenge, my mood was affected in ways I could not have forseen today. I was levelled with nostalgia, pummelled with the need to rehash the past, and driven to think of all the people whom I miss from my life these days - family or not.

As you might imagine, that hardly leaves one in a state of stratospheric happiness, nor, in my case, did it leave me solidly in a gutter somewhere. Instead, I was somewhere inbetween, sporting the bruises of a person who was neither wildly happy, nor unhappy; but of someone contemplative enough to recognise a number of mistakes, and to reprioritise some things that he had perhaps taken for granted.

I had planned to go to the airport with my other sisters and my brother-in-law to see Heather off, and this realisation simply made the determination to be there greater.

Seeing Heather off was harder than I had expected. I'm not good at the personal stuff face to face, I never have been, and I've gotten worse as the days of my life have passed. I don't suppose I appeared to anyone around me as if I was much impacted by my sisters departure, but I was. My sisters' subsequent reactions were enough to make me realise how much I was going to miss Heather, and how much the three of us still here would have to stick together in her absence.

Technically I only have two blood sisters, Lorraine and Heather, but for as long as I can remember Nancy has been there, and for me there is no distinction strong enough to convince me to think of Nance as anything less than family.

For me, myself and my sisters have always been like 4 people making up the parts of one person.

Lorraine is the temperance and the calm.
Nancy is the compassion and understanding.
Heather is the brains and the lover.
And I am the fire and the recklessness.

In some ways I feel a little like a person who just lost a part of his brain, or more closely an arm or a leg. I've been prepared for the operation for a long time, and still my body is in shock.

However, all that said, I would gladly give that arm for Heather to achieve what she wants to achieve. I'd give my entire being for any of them to get what they deserve from life. Heather was always the one who was going to do the brave things. The revolutionary and the free of heart and so, deep down, it doesn't surprise me that we have to say goodbye to her, even on a temporary basis.

To Heather, and to all of my sisters, I love you all dearly. You are my conscience, my strength, and my heart - without you I would be lost. With you, I can leap large buildings in a single leap.

Nietzsche says "Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper".

I'll take that mess, annoyance and repetition any day of the week.