Better late than never.....

I realised that, due in some part to Yahtzee being off to GDC two weeks ago, I have forgotten to post the last two vids published. So here they are:

27/02:



21/02:

The One Armed Man

Every now and then, the oddest, and most serious of days leaps upon you in fashions you never even expected.

Today was one such day and opened my eyes to many things.

As some of you will know, my sister Heather was departing on her sojourn across the world today, to return in no less than 2 years, if ever. I knew it was coming, and I was delighted for her given this was something she'd intimated she had wanted to do for a very long time.

Even given that time to prepare, even given my happiness and pride at her taking on the challenge, my mood was affected in ways I could not have forseen today. I was levelled with nostalgia, pummelled with the need to rehash the past, and driven to think of all the people whom I miss from my life these days - family or not.

As you might imagine, that hardly leaves one in a state of stratospheric happiness, nor, in my case, did it leave me solidly in a gutter somewhere. Instead, I was somewhere inbetween, sporting the bruises of a person who was neither wildly happy, nor unhappy; but of someone contemplative enough to recognise a number of mistakes, and to reprioritise some things that he had perhaps taken for granted.

I had planned to go to the airport with my other sisters and my brother-in-law to see Heather off, and this realisation simply made the determination to be there greater.

Seeing Heather off was harder than I had expected. I'm not good at the personal stuff face to face, I never have been, and I've gotten worse as the days of my life have passed. I don't suppose I appeared to anyone around me as if I was much impacted by my sisters departure, but I was. My sisters' subsequent reactions were enough to make me realise how much I was going to miss Heather, and how much the three of us still here would have to stick together in her absence.

Technically I only have two blood sisters, Lorraine and Heather, but for as long as I can remember Nancy has been there, and for me there is no distinction strong enough to convince me to think of Nance as anything less than family.

For me, myself and my sisters have always been like 4 people making up the parts of one person.

Lorraine is the temperance and the calm.
Nancy is the compassion and understanding.
Heather is the brains and the lover.
And I am the fire and the recklessness.

In some ways I feel a little like a person who just lost a part of his brain, or more closely an arm or a leg. I've been prepared for the operation for a long time, and still my body is in shock.

However, all that said, I would gladly give that arm for Heather to achieve what she wants to achieve. I'd give my entire being for any of them to get what they deserve from life. Heather was always the one who was going to do the brave things. The revolutionary and the free of heart and so, deep down, it doesn't surprise me that we have to say goodbye to her, even on a temporary basis.

To Heather, and to all of my sisters, I love you all dearly. You are my conscience, my strength, and my heart - without you I would be lost. With you, I can leap large buildings in a single leap.

Nietzsche says "Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper".

I'll take that mess, annoyance and repetition any day of the week.

Trandimensional thingymagigery

Well I had hoped to make a couple of posts before this weekend, but really I've not got around to it.

Now before you have a pulminary embalism over it, remember I have actually had stuff to this week. Aside from being a member of The Great Unwashed (which is taxing work I tells ya), I've had to make a million phone calls (yes literally), prepare for an interview, assist my currently ill dad, tidy, hunt down that peeping tom of a squirrel who watches me dress in the mornings (I feel dirty!) and most importantly play games on my new computer.

So, as a result, I'm running out of time. I have to pop over again to my dads, both to pinch a perfectly sized suitcase and to check on him, go to Asda for some train goodies (cider mostly) and then dash off to get my haircut before going straight to the lodge to help out with the bar. Phew! I could really do with one of those transdimensional half life machines (I forget the name). That would help!

On top of all that, at 8:21 am tomorrow I'll be standing on a platform at Waverly waiting to get on a train to Manchester with some of the lodge boys to enjoy a Friday at another lodge and the rest of the weekend getting....well ear bleedingly drunk in all likelyhood. *takes breath*

I'll get back on Sunday afternoon but I have no idea what state I'll be in, so you might not hear form me until Monday. I will have a full report then before preparing for my interview on Tuesday.

THEN and only then, might you get the other things I was planning to blog about (which are tucked on my handy sidebar.

The Number 123

I was tagged by Gurn a week or so back, and now Annalee has also done so, so I should perhaps fall in line (pfft, like that'll ever happen).

The rules: -

1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to page 123.
3. Go to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

It's hard to say exactly what the closest book to me is, given that my bookshelf is less than 2 feet from my right arm, so I picked the first book from my shelf - The Human Mind.

"This is, of course, the feature of the brain that makes movies and TV possible - we don't see twenty-four frames a second flashing across the screen, but experience them as a harmonious whole. Consciousness is not an instantaneous experience - it takes time to build itself, and the brain covers up for its own time lag.

Some 120 years later, Benjamin Libet at the University of Southern California became interested in this time lag."

I tag EVERYONE!

An otter chewing an electric fence...priceless!

This week Yahtzee shows his love for Nazi Germany....oh and he reviews Sim City Societies too.....

A gazillion daft questions...

I have succumbed to the pressure of G's blog.

Here ya are!



You're really upset. Who is the first person you call to vent?
Hmmm...I dont always vent, I'm a bit of a introspect, but if I do, its usually either Gurny or Annalee (poor buggers)

If you had to choose, would you rather be an alcoholic or a pothead?
Alcoholic

Who is the last person you hung out with?
Annalee, I do live with the woman after all.

How did you meet this person?
Through a bunch of old mates

Do you get along with guys or girls better?
Depends on the guy or girl - My intolerance of fools is equal regardless of sex

Have you ever fallen asleep upside down?
Um...no

Do you like shows like Forensic Files and Unsolved Mysteries?
Not overly...I'm a sucker for American political drama

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
Morning - invigoration baby!

List 3 people you were best friends with in 6th grade:
Simon Darrie, Steven Hanley & Graham Nelson.

Who is the best person to cheer you up?
Me!

When you see people, do you critique how they look or act?
How they act, yes, how they look, no.

Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
Not a scoob!

When is the last time you had pizza?
Last week round here with Annalee and The Gurn

How do you think you look right this moment?
Old and fat :)

If you had the chance to have your face put on a quarter, would you
What is this "quarter" you speak of...?

Heard any really great quotes lately?
"Your end is nigh sauna boy"

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I'd like to think so, but inevitably there's a good chance the answer is no.

What is the last movie you saw in a theater?
National Treasure : Book of Secrets

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Stenhouse Primary School

What do you think of people who have their name tattooed on them?
I wonder if they did it so they wouldn't forget it when they're drunk.

Is there a song that is driving you crazy because you dont know who sings it?
I know everything, didn't YOU know THAT?

What is the name of your siblings best friend?
Heather: Nancy. Nancy: Heather. Lorraine: Alison

What is the last spoken words you heard?
"Bye"

Last awkward moment?
I dont embarrass so I dont recall

Who do you find yourself crushing on currently?
Anyone on a busy bus

Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
If I translate that to 50p, then yes. I once found 314 in change in the middle of a road, and £35 on a side of grass.

Name 1 thing that everyone knows about you.
I'm arrogant

When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
It all depends on the circumstances. I have a better measure these days of who my true friends are.

Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?
Not more important, but as important, yes.

Last time you smiled?
About a minute ago - I'm a grinning idiot.

Would life be the same without alcohol?
Probably, but it wouldn't be any worse.

Would you go a month without washing your hair to save a loved one?
Not wash my hair...what?! Hmm..I'd have to think about that one.....pfft!

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
I'd likely faint and thereafter realise where this belly came from.

Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
Rats dont live that long usually so not them, but I imagine Tori will still be around.

When was your last bubble bath?
When I was 4

Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
Only Mr Crane.

Where is your pet(s) right now?
Sasha is lying at my feet, Tori is off eating people's souls, and Cachel and Mox are sleeping in the living room.

Name five things you did yesterday?
Hit my head on the kitchen cupboard.
Reached "confident" in Uplink
Danced a merry dance
Fell over a cat
Robbed a hobo

What color phone do you have?
Silver and Black.

How many kids do you want to have?
Not sure if I want to have any or not.

What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
A t-shirt and jeans - I'm THAT exciting

What color are your eyes?
Blue

What are you doing tomorrow?
Starting my Computeach course proper

Do you know someone who likes you?
I dont even like me!

Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
Much, much worse

What color is your hair?
Naturally, white, but its black just now.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope

What is the closest blue object to you?
A six sided dice

Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?
No.

Do you have a lot of guy friends?
A few

When's the last time you were in handcuffs?
It was just that once, and I was oh so drunk.....

CoD Piece

This week Call of Duty 4 get the verbal ravaging it deserves by that satirical monster Yahtzee (with a generally unprecedented amount of ego massaging thrown in!).

Da-B-Man : Student Extrordinaire

Yes that's right B-Fans I have forsaken the loving bosom of working life (and this incessant search for a suitable job in the marketplace I formally worked in) and become a student once more.

I suppose I should make the point that I am doing a distance learning course (purely to avoid spending another 4 years at University) and as such, I'll still be working, but what I'll be working as in the short term is yet to be decided.

So Big B, what is it you could possibly be learning?

A good question folks. I will be entering the not so lofty realm of web designers as I study my CIW Master (what a name!) course which, when completed, will leave me a fully accredited and internationally recognised Webmaster - which should go nicely next to "Universally accepted wanker" and "Internationally recognised photo stealer" plaques hanging above this here desk :D

According to the institution I am studying this through, I should be able to pick up some work through them well before reaching the lofty height of "CIW Master" and that should break me into an industry early.

Joking aside for a moment, it's been a long time since I've felt any sense of purpose in my life, and I haven't felt a real desire for many jobs in my hunt over the last year, but this move has given me what I can only descibe as a new lease on life. I'm driven, I'm excited, and most importantly I'm positive.

I love it :)

So, hopefully I'll be able to take my newly nurtured talents and get myself into a decent job, not to mention actually spending some time getting this blog up to scratch :)

Yahar!

P.S. Why did I change the banner? Cos I can baby!!!

Jill Valentine You Slut!

Yahtzee's newest gibberations are aimed at most recent adventures of that mego-lo-maniacal virus swiller - Umbrella.

Better Late than Never....

Yahtzee does it again this week. The almightly goat hump is given to The Witcher this time....enjoy.

Posting Delays : Much Like Royal Mail

Hey folkies...

There has been a distinct lack of posting in the last few days, mainly down to my machine behaving in, well an odd fashion to put it lightly.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that after a little more tweaking on my net connection and network card, I hae improved the overall test results significantly.

Check it out!:



:D

One problem down, one unsolved. The case continues.....

You looking at me chicken neck?!

Gah!

That sums up my morning so far - gah!

I woke this morning to pleasant tweeting from the bitch that is my mobile phone.

"Get up you filthy waster...and make me some breakfast" it said.

That was weird.

Anyways, I arose, knowing I had to go to that god-awful place that all filthy wasters like me must attend on a fortnightly basis - the tax dodging office, known better to most as The Job Centre.

Bearing in mind that through a rather unpleasant twist of fate I ended up unemployed some time ago, it's in my interests to attend ye olde demotivation shope each fortnight to claim my measly pennies for being a tax dodging leech on society.

And so, with a hop, skip and a jump I was showered, dressed and off to visit the monster that would claim my eternal soul. Ha! Little does it know that I sold that off a long time ago to a man in the stress, who smelt faintly of smouldering concrete.

I arrived at the unholy place a good deal earlier than necessary, and handed my book over to the mute security guard who always looks at me with a mix of sheer loathing and a want to ravage my deepest and darkest places.

After shuddering I proceeded to the touch screen panels at which I might find salvation, however unlikely.

Suddenly, I was called, 15 minutes early.

"Gosh, golly and shim shim sheroo!" I proclaimed at the surprise.

"Good Morning Mr B, How are you?" said the same chap who usually sees me.
"Well thanks, you?" I replied in a tone that was carefully chosen so as not to seem rude, but equally so as not to encourage too much conversation.
"I'm good thanks, right lets get this done shall we?"

I assumed the position.

"Oh...." he said with a face that a dog only makes when being fed through a mincer.

"Oh?" I replied expecting the worst.

"You have an appointment for a review today at 13:40, Hamish (real name withdrawn) will sign you then, you don't need to be here"

Despite my mental flash which saw me gut the pathetic weed and proceed to exterminate the rest of the inhabitants of the building in various bloody ways, I controlled my anger.

"Em...and I was to know of this, how?"

"Oh you didn't get a letter? Well the person who signed you last time would have told you"

"You signed me last time", I replied, without hint of amusement in my voice.

"Oh!"

"Indeed"

When it became apparent he was slowly turning into a deer in headlights, I prompted him once more.

"So, can I be seen earlier then since its clear I was unaware of the appointment and no one saw fit to enlighten me?"

"Hold on, I'll go and ask Hamish if he can fit you in", he whimpered, scuttling off.

"Oh goody", I replied.

A few moments later, our friend and his newly found ally Hamish came over.

"Mr B, you would have gotten a letter about this appointment"

"I'm sure you'll maintain it was sent, but I can assure you, it never arrived, and I am getting all the rest of my post"

"Hmm..well I wont be able to see you before 13:40 I'm afraid, I'm just going on a tea break then I'll be busy with customers all the way up to your appointment and beyond"

"The increasingly intense look of thunder on my face caused him to take a step back, as I stood up"

"and I have arrangements today so as I see it, the only option is to reschedule it"

"Oh we can't do that, and you MUST attend"

"Are you deliberately trying to provoke me Hamish. Should I be waiting for someone with a camera to jump out about now...or is it you're just not listening to me?"

He stood there dumbfounded.

"Forget it I said, I'll make sure to put a complaint in" I ranted as I left.

On the way down the road back to the mansion, I thought about it and wondered why I hadn't asked to speak to a manager.

I got straight on the phone, and destroyed a woman, who we'll call, Isobel (why? because I can! - deal with it) who promptly offered to reschedule the appointment for Monday. Of course, that made me worse in some ways, given I had been told that was an impossibility.

After another rant in which she valiantly fought to get a word in edgeways, and subsequently failed, she agreed that I could have my appointment today, before 12 o clock, as I had to come and sign anyway, since the fools I had seen earlier had failed to do so.

So after my second trip into the wastelands of Wester Hailes, surrounded in the Job Centre by the great unwashed, I was seen by Isobel, who looked like a cross between a chicken and clitoris and she sorted everything, after 40 mins.

Honestly, they could save us all a lot of trouble by sacking themselves, and giving us the jobs they do, because clearly some of them can't make it to the shitter without a map and a torch.

Fucktards! It's been a while since I've used that terminology, but it seems somewhat appropriate.

However, I am calmed now, somewhat, and I can get back to my day.

I'm off to play Portal now :D

Denny Crane, over and out.

Yahtzee Questions Silent Hill's Origins....

Gods?! Why do you mock me?!!

Typical - I'm in the mood for a bit of a graphic overhaul and my photoshop is kaput due to my reinstallation of windows!

Can I find an install file anywhere? Can I buggery!

Damn unt blast!!

Yahtzee gives Princess Peach one!

As promised, here is the next installment from the flame retardant narcissist....you gotta love 'im.


Oh and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all you folks! I hope the great big peado in the red fluffy outfit was "good" to you all and that you all got sloshed on Hogmany - huzzah!

Chrimbo cheer, fat stories and other assorted gubbins....

Merry Christmas folksies.

I hope all of you have had a fantastic Chrimbo morning, and get stuck into many a box of chocs and assorted food later this afternoon.

I myself was looking forward to a Christmas without the lurgy. Alas, the gods have worked against me and on Christmas Eve I developed a horrendous cough. It's translated over to today, along with a roughness that only comes from a fitful sleep. Still, I'm damned if I'll let it spoil my Chrimbo.

On a side issue, I was very proud to see that one of my sisters, Heather, had wangled her way into the papers yesterday and I'm delighted to present the article online here

You'll see her photo and the link to the article at the top of the page. I'm very proud of her and she's become something of a spokesperson in this field. It should be noted, however, that she didn't "lose 9 stone for HIV" as much as she's planning a round the world trip to assist in the fight against that horrific disease as a result of having lost 9 stone and given herself a new lease of life.

This whole scenario is a testiment to her tenacity as a person, her determination to achieve her goals, and the huge heart that beats within that, now quite small, chest. She now looks to devote a large portion of her life to helping the less fortunate than herself, and as far as I am concerned, there can be no greater legacy.

My pride knows no bounds.

Any support any of you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

1001 (-974) Xmas Questions...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
I tend to commit hate crimes when dealing with wrapping paper, so gift bags it is. Hey, its not for me, its for the good of the world I tells ya!

2. Real tree or Artificial?
I go with Artificial usually. Real trees are a pain, messy, and hurt more when you chew on...em wait a minute....

3. When do you put up the tree?
Usually 12 days before Chrimbo, but I was late this year. I blame me flatmate I does!! :D

4. When do you take the tree down?
12 days after the big day.

5. Do you like egg nog?
I don't like Mongolian food.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
My streethockey stick - no one messes with baby B then.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
No, the cats in my house dont fit in the stable....

8. Hardest person to buy for?
My dad

9. Easiest person to buy for?
My sister Heather - she only does "moral" gifts.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
I generally don't do on a card, what I can do face to face.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
A knitted jumper with a bloody reindeer on it!

12. Favorite Christmas movie?
Trading Places - hey its Christmas in the movie :D

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
December 24th

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
My "find your keys" keyring is now a cup holder - does that count? :)

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
The neighbour's cat

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
Put your hands together baby!

17. Favorite Christmas song?
I don't really do Christmas songs, but if I had to - Good King Wenseslasslasslass

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
This year is a bit different than normal because of family issues, but travel.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?
Of course....um....

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
A big flashy star

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Always Christmas day - there's just no other time to do it!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
Christmas music and decorations in shops by November 1st

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
RED!

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Gotta be the turkey man - what can I say, I'm a traditionalist

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
A stroke of good luck

26. What was the one Christmas gift you wanted as a child but never recieved?
I was very fortunate as a kid, I think I got what I wanted.

27. Who are you tagging?
Anyone who reads this and aint Gurn.

All Hail Yahtzee!

I make a point of "reading" Yahtzee's "Zero Punctuation" reviews every week, and I thought it might be an idea to start including them here.

What the hell is a Yahtzee? Is that not that incredibly shit game old people play?? Well yes, but thats not THIS Yahtzee!

To understand fully who and what Yahtzee really is - you should check out his own site, and the site he writes for, namely The Escapist.

So peeps of CFOM, here it is!

Enjoy :)

B

A Day in the Face of a Gamer

So,

Last night naturally decended into Counterstrike madness with Gurn and bedjoingle (yeah, I don't know either) mad hatter timberwolf (a.k.a Jesse). After our first stint on a new server, Gurn and I had agreed to revisit, not only because it was fun, but because I wanted (see: needed) to experience an element of the server that had been whipped out of my vicious paw previously.

What am I talking about? I have no idea. No really, I don't. Ahem.

Well, for those of you who are, frankly, stupid enough not to have played the wonder that is CS, a number of servers use custom sounds during the gameplay which add to the....customness of the experience.

Why do you care? Well wait and I'll tell you why you care!

My CS config script stops these sounds from being downloaded so as to prevent the excrutiatingly long wait they cause when you log into a server for the first time. While I get logged into the game and frag myself a few witless wonders, poor Gurn can be sitting there waiting on "bigsaggytittiessoundfile.wav" to download.

Not for me!

However, throughout our previous trip to this server, I had been graced with the sound of Gurn spilling urine over his office chair via our skype connection. The cause? The huge number of custom sounds installed on the server.

Not this time bitch! I won't miss out - says BMan. So I altered the old script and prepared to play.

Now, most people dont understand the preparation that goes into one of Gurn and I's gaming sessions. This is not gaming - its ritual.

So, I prepared myself with my handy checklist:

Cream Soda?



CHECK!

Munchies?



CHECK!

Gaming Headgear?



CHECK!

I was ready to go. The conference call over Skype was sorted and on we went.

Sweet mummydaddy! Aside from the vomit-like stream of brain farts coming from myself, G and J, the sounds on this server were hilarious, not to mention most were incomprehendable (well to G and I) given they were in German!

I was laughing so hard initially, I completely forgot to take screenshots. I remedied that soon after!

We ended up playing on a map called "Westwood" which none of us had played before. This whore of a shanty town, come western village, come...well you get the idea, was filled with nooks and crannies (no one mention grannies!) to get lost, stuck and shot in.

Worse than that, there were two members of the clan who owned the server on, and they were taking full advantage of our stupidity.

As a result, we were struggling to hold the wee bastards at bay:



And so, Jesse and I went to avenge The Gurn's dead and Jesse whipped out the sniper and poked it in various directions:



I proceeded to throw my self helplessly in the line of fire with a number of sniper rifles, only to have Gurn and Jesse dive in front of me, toting Max Payne style Dual Barettas and inducing the "Bullet Time" facility on the server.

Screw you guys, I'm going home!

After getting over the frustration of having the witless wonders dive about in front of me killing everything, I began to appreciate the effort, and instead spent more time watching than playing :)



Eventually, westwood came to an end and we ended up playing cs_italy. It was here, we all came into our own, including BMan truly.

I got so caught up in playing I forgot to take screenshots again, but suffice it to say, I was on fire and in good fettle.



The threesome began to gel, and we all took up our positions to infuriate the enemy, with Gurn and I both managing to shred a few, and big J graduating from n00b to formidible!





There were some moments we got carried away, and with power, kills and cocaine (wait, scratch that last one) going to the head, mistakes were made.

I managed to shoot Gurn in the back of the head with an AK47:



Despite the mistakes, we finished up, having humiliated the clan boys, and rating up top on the table of coolness and big dickedness, or something.



HOWEVER. Disaster struck! One of the guys on the server, who had previously, not been playing all that well, suddenly became what, in the gaming world, we refer to as "uber". (Yes, I'm in touch with the gaming world ya know!).

Going from finishing Italy on 14 kills to 21 deaths, he suddenly started wracking up a foolish score, headshotting all who moved, and winning every round.

More of this ensued:



As the shouts of "hacker", "cheater" and "scripts!" began to echo throughout the level "Office", he began to protest, which made us all the more disbelieving:



And then sad:



And inevitably, angry and convinced we were being cheated:



Naturally, our annoyance decended into sarcasm, and an continuous enslaught of para machine gun strafing which just annoyed everyone else on the server too :)

We drew our play to a close, on noticing that it was after midnight, and immediately following our traded insults, logged off.

Ah, just like the old days :D

B

Contrary to popular opinion....

...I am not The Hoff (ah if only!). We just have similar taste in glasses and....um...eyes...

B