B and The Lurgy

I have the lurgy - damn you lurgy!!!!

It seems that every year, around this time, I catch a cold of varying severity. Last year I caught a minor cold which I had over the Christmas period, the year before that I was hit with flu in early December and had managed to thin that down to a nasty cough come Christmas day, and the three successive years before that I had tonsilitis.

The weirdest thing is that, for the most part, I am fine the whole rest of the year. This is the first cold I have had all year, and last year I was healthy all the way through the year before dreaded December hit! Grrr….

Not to worry, I am still plodding on, despite my sniffly, heavy headed demeanor.

In order news, I have again submitted some work to Wizards of the Coast for consideration. I am still in negotiations over a short story piece with some other more established writers, however this most recent submission is different. This is a Forgotten Realms piece. The three submissions I have put in previously have all been for my own world, at the behest of the company. However they have opened their doors to unsolicited Forgotten Realms material and so I have taken up the challenge.

I would be incredibly proud to have my own world published by Wizards (or anyone else for that matter) and would consider it a massive achievement on my considerable list, however there is also an overwhelming appeal behind having my name listed next to writers like Elaine Cunningham, Richard West, and of course R.A. Salvatore as writers of the realms. To be able to contribute to an already fantasically written world (one which, through the medium of novels and roleplaying I have come to love) would be a dream come true. My ultimate goal, should I be successful in being printed, would be to be one of those fortunate "up and coming" writers to be involved in a multi-author project, like those who worked on "The War of the Spider Queen" project. To be able to work with other more established writers in the creation of a story, overseen by Bob Salvatore himself, would be an honour I would gladly except, with a real sense of awe.

However - little steps. That's all a pipe dream until I manage to convince those peeps at Wizards that I am, in fact, worthy of their time and effort. Until I can do that, I can't hope to achieve anything like those experiences mentioned above.

Alongside this, I am still looking in to going back to Uni. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder whats going on inside the void that is my head, since I was fairly disenfranchised with the whole University scene first time round. However, I would love the opportunity to do something like English Literature and Creative Writing in order to expand on my current strengths. I suppose it might well be considered one of those useless degrees that will never be used in the real world, but if it brings me closer to my dream of being a writer, then it's good enough for me. I still have many different things to consider before committing to this course of action, however to even be contemplating it at this time is a bonus for me.

Family life, for all its ups and downs, is getting better. My folks are not out of the woods yet, but they seem to have been shown a possible exit, which was completely closed to them previously. The relief in my dad's voice when I spoke to him was enough to settle my already racing heart for a bit, in the hope that they might just make this. Whilst it's got on top of me on occasion, the whole thing has served to strengthen my resolve about aspects of my own life, and some of the more spectacular mistakes I have made in the past - so much so that I have a plan!! Yes, I know, a plan!!!!

I know what I want. I am not 100% sure how to go about getting it just yet, but I have a way forward and that works for me. It's time to start working towards those things that I want from life, and I think I know how to begin that too. It's odd. I think it would be fair to say I have never been the same since Shona broke up with me all those years ago. I think at that point, any plans I had for life went right out the window with the relationship, and I never really managed to get those plans back.

Things are different now. I know what I want. I have the strength, determination and means to get it.

I never thought something so simple could be so inspiring, so compelling. It's not like a momentary euphoria, like the burst of endorphins after a spike of pain, it's something more, something almost tangible. It's something that can drive a person to become all those things they wished they could be. It can drive them to take in all the elements surrounding them, formulate ideas, plan events and generally find a direction to travel in that takes them where they want to be. It's something more powerful than anger, than hate, than violence.

It's hope.